my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
