i will never coherently bang her
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
