i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
