I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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