The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
