I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
