Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
