Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
