Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Sponge bath it is.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
