i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
