the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
