so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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