so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
