i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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