I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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