my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
