I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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