do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
