Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it's great music for shaving your balls
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
