does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
