I want to make a zoo with you.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
