I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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