I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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