definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
