bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
