the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dick very happy bro
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