He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
soo... how was my night?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
