You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
soo... how was my night?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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