Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
