i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
