She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
