She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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