when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
