By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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