and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Even my vagina gasped.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
