the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
