Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
