do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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