i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
