Will you blow on my dice?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
