Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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