some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
