I just gift wrapped bread.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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