I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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