Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
