Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So apparently I’m into choking now
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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