Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
