Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
