i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
