Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
